We all make mistakes.

It’s absolutely true.  I do it all the time.  No one is immune to it.  The question is can you admit when you have made that mistake, learn from it, and better yourself.  Dayton Moore did just that last week when he realized that hiring a white guy from Japan to be your manager just because he has a cool moustache, does not a winning baseball team make.

I will now follow suit with Mr. Moore.  I too, have erred.

My last column, in which I was going to weed out candidates for the 2010 Royals MVP, was fucking stupid.  I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea at the time.  Deep down, I knew it wasn’t sustainable for me to continue with that for NINE MORE COLUMNS.  So I am admitting that it was a mistake, and I am cutting ties with it.  Besides, we all know that Mike Aviles is going to win anyway, and I didn’t even have him on the list.

Now that we have that out of the way, how ‘bout them Royals?!?!?!?  Thank God that D-Mo realized it was time for a change.  Of course, it was time for a change in June of 2009 but who’s counting?  I have watched all but two of the Royals games this season.  One of them I have recorded, but I know what happens (they win). So I am saving that for rainy day.  The other was last night’s disaster at Baltimore.  I missed this one to drink, and play “Name That Tune Trivia” at a bar.*

*The bar I go to has the MLB package.  It has about 12-15 TVs.  It is usually only occupied by about 30-40 people.  So why didn’t I see the game?  Because people in St. Louis are assholes (or for you Ke$ha fans: As$holes), that’s why.  God forbid the Cardinals are playing.  Every TV in the bar is being watched individually by, it seems, one guy.  The only TV not tuned to the Cardinals game is showing the NHL Conference Finals.  Of course, there’s some redneck in a San Jose Sharks Starter jacket sitting glued to that one…in May…in Missouri.  FML.

Based on my experience with the Royals over the years, and judging by what I have seen this far this season, my first (and most reasonable) inclination is to predict that the Royals will finish last in the AL Central and second to last in the American League.  Many of you would probably agree with me.  But that was before I was taking a dump at work yesterday.

Since the bank that I work for has not paid back the TARP money you lent us, we have a lot of restrictions placed on us by regulators.  These include not being able to expand our branches, limits on executive pay, etc.  We also have terrible toilet paper.  I am convinced that someone has told us we cannot have nice TP until we repay that government money.  That is the only logical conclusion I can come to as to why any company would provide this sand paper to its employees.

Did the Glass family receive any sort of bailout?  I am just wondering because they seem to trot out what appears to be a pretty substandard product as well. 

Anyway, so I was scraping my ass at work when I realized something; while it may be uncomfortable in the beginning, the horrible toilet paper actually gets the job done better in the end than the fancy stuff I have at home. It gets me clean better.  It doesn’t fall apart.  That three ply quilted stuff just seems to shred in your hand when you really are working hard, and that double roll brand absorbs about as well as wax paper.  But not the crappy work TP.  Plus, you can use as much as you like, and because it’s so thin, it cannot clog the toilet.

So what’s the point?  You don’t always get what you pay for.  Sometimes, the crappy work toilet paper comes out of nowhere and surprises you.  That’s why I think the Royals will win the AL Central.

Toilet paper…

Yes, that’s what I am clinging to.  Speaking of clinging, that dingleberry Betancourt just committed another error to give the Indians a 1-0 lead.