Tag Archives: Scott Pioli

Now Let’s All Irrationally Raise our Hopes for the 2010 Kansas City Chiefs

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Posted by Bellwether Johnson on 01/04/2010 – 12:40pm
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs

Got this text from poscast contributor Daniel at 6:24 last night:

“So we lose a spot or 2 in the draft but spank the donkeys @ mile high & crush their hopes of making the playoffs.  I’ll take it.”

I concur, with several “fuck”s and “yeah”s sprinkled in, though I my mass “Horray Chiefs!” text would have gone something like:

“So we lose a spot or 2 in the draft but avoid Whitlock whining about Scott Pioli and Todd Haley for at least another week.  I’ll take it.”*

* In fact, if you were following @BWetherJohnson or @KCSportsPodcast on Twitter (plug!!), you would have gotten it

And so ends the 50th season of Kansas City Chiefs football, a season that will be known primarily for three things:

1.) The Chiefs sucking
2.) Todd Haley being an asshole
3.) The Chiefs sucking

The reason for pointing out the texts/tweets at the beginning of the column is that it does feel good to go out a winner.  Even if it was against a Denver team that was decidedly more putrid than what their record after six weeks looked like.

Looking at the analysis of the game from a Chiefs perspective at first put a damper on the good feelings that I had acquired while watching the game. 

Final nine weeks:

BRONCOS:
Record: 2-7
Off yards: 330
Def yards: 339

CHIEFS:
Record 3-6
Off yards: 392
Def Yards: 341

At first glance, I thought, “Oh…well, that’s not so impressive.  The Broncos were at least as bad, if not worse than us.  We should have won the game.”

Then…well, wait a minute…did I just say??

That’s right, we should have won the game.  In this historically awful season of retartedly putrid football, the Chiefs were actually (or at least should have been) favored to win a game…and they actually pulled together and did.   

Early in the season, we were (well, me in particular) resigned to downplaying any significance of the Chief’s play due to the fact that they were playing with Carl Peterson and Herm Edwards’ collection of shit boxes.  There wasn’t, I contended, any real way to determine the improvement of the players on this particular team due to the fact that most of them would be replaced by better players before the team turned the corner and actually started winning again.

Well, it looks like maybe the improvement was there after all, and there are some legitimate pieces to build on.  That, coupled with a full slate of draft picks and an entire year of scouting under their belt, I would say what looked impossible for Haley and Pioli a few scant weeks ago might actually transpire: the Chiefs might actually compete before 2015.

Of course, feel free to bookmark this and send it to me after Haley is fired after starting next season 0-5 and Jack Harry is reporting he knifed a hobo under the Paseo Bridge.

There are no magical ways for a bad football team to get better overnight.  The Chiefs still have a long, long road ahead of them, but if you would have asked me to pick any Chiefs team in the past nine years to go into Invesco Field (which opened in 2001) and beat a Broncos team that was playing for their playoff lives, this team would have been on the bottom of my list.  And this team is the only Chiefs team to do that.

That, as they say, is why they play the games.  And that, as they say, is why when you start using Chris Berman schtick, it’s time to end the column.

Jason Whitlock is fat!!  Byesers!!

The Chiefs Mood Counter

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Posted by Bellwether Johnson on 10/19/2009 – 1:59pm
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs

If you are a denizen of the vast maze of the interwebs as I am, cycling thru the news cycle by way of various sites and links every day, you might have noticed something whilst running across any of the ten NBC local affiliate websites since the end of July.  It was then that NBC redesigned its local web experience and introduced a “mood counter” for each one of their stories.

It works like this: when you pull up a story on an NBC owned and operated affiliate website, you have the choice in participating in an unscientific mood poll by choosing how the story you are reading makes you feel.  There are six categories: furious, sad, bored, thrilled, intrigued, and laughing.  The results are displayed on the margins and the top of the page.  Pretty simple, right??  Well, since KC doesn’t have an affiliate website, I thought it would be fun to run the mood counter thru the gauntlet of shit that is the Chiefs. 

Ready??

Chiefs fans are furious at Herm Edwards and Carl Peterson for leaving the cupboard so bare.  Tough this sentiment is losing traction.  Todd Haley’s assertion that he could take 52 guys of the street and win two games in the NFL is looming over this season, and the fact that we won as ugly as we did doesn’t exactly inspire confidence that he’ll reach that goal.  With every pitiful performance, the pendulum on the anger-meter is swinging ever closer to the Pioli/Haley side.

Chiefs fans are sad about the handling of Derrick Johnson.  DJ was hailed as a savior when he somewhat miraculously fell to the Chiefs in the 2005 draft.  His oft-disappearing style of play has marked him as nothing less than a huge disappointment in his time here, but this season, when he’s been on the field, he has contributed.  The problem is that he’s long been in Haley’s doghouse, and his recent up-tick in playing time seems to originate not from an increase in ability, but from an effort to boost his trade value. 

It is sad when you know that ¾ of the players on the field are likely to be sent for the trash bin as soon as something better comes along, but this is certainly not the ending forsaw by those who bought a 56 Johnson jersey in the spring of 2005.

Chiefs fans are bored with the season.  Already.  Please, do we really have to care for 12 more weeks??  I guess we do.  It is brutal to watch a team that is in the bottom five in all offensive and defensive categories, but I think that we can all agree that…

…Chiefs fans are thrilled with the fact that we actually won a game.  Hey, whatever else happens this season, at least we’re not going 0-16.

Chiefs fans are intrigued about Russell Okung.  Who??  Get used to hearing it.  The 6’5” 315 lb-er out of Oklahoma State is one of the top LT prospects in the 2010 draft, and is the odds-on favorite to don the Arrowhead next fall.  Say what you want about creating a pass rush, or building a defense, the most glaring weakness on this football team is it’s porous O-Line.  What I’m really intrigued about is how Branden Albert still has his neck intact after giving up 4.5 sacks and getting flagged four times in the first five games. 

Chiefs fans are laughing at Haley’s Gatorade shower and post-game weep-fest.  Seriously, guys, act like you’ve been there before.  Though I can’t say that I really blame them.  After all, who knows when we’ll be back in the winner’s circle again.

A*Holes Collide: Haley v. Whitlock

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Posted by Bellwether Johnson on 09/21/2009 – 10:36pm
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs

One of the cruel twists associated with writing a sports blog, is that when things of a sporting nature happen, you have to give a take, even when you don’t want to.  This is especially true if you write for a very specific section of sport, whether that be idiocy, fishing in Texas, or Herm Edward’s (fake??) perm.  Therefore, for every significant happening in the world that is Kansas City sports, people expect an opinion.  So that’s what we try to bring you.

Sure, we try to enhance it with the tinsel that is unique perspective, sarcasm, and fart jokes, but in actuality, there are not a whole lot of difference in factual content between what you can read here, and what you can get at, say the Kansas City Star.

Unless you’re talking about Jason Whitlock.

If you are talking about Big Sexy, then you’re talking about an agenda driven writer who has no regard for how things work out on the field, and will twist the realities of any given event around his own pre-drawn conclusions.  Par exemplar could very well be today’s article: Haley’s Coaching Performance Was Embarrassing.

Now, I agree that it was not good.  There were mental mistakes, coaching and personnel errors and suspect play calling.  Todd Haley was part & parcel to a discomforting result from Arrowhead Stadium, but it was far, far, FAR from the worst coaching performance anyone has ever seen.

Whitty points out three factors – arrogance, flawed logic and lack of self-control – as being reflective on Haley in the Chief’s bungle, and goes out to provide exactly zero pieces of evidence to back up any of the three planks of his thesis of idiocy.

So, Jason…how did Haley’s arrogance get the best of the Chiefs Sunday??  What’s that??  Nope, a careful pun on Pioli’s last name (Ego-li…get it!!) won’t suffice here!!  But he is arrogant.  Just ask Jason. 

“The arrogance is toxic and counterproductive to winning.”

You see?? 

“Let’s hope Todd Haley spent Sunday night standing in front of a mirror, screaming at himself.” 

Just like he does with his players!!*

* I’ve been looking for a transcript for what Haley was yelling at Brodie Croyle after he was unable to snap the ball after a timeout in week 1, and was flagged for Delay of Game.  I don’t know exactly what it was, but from what I can remember from the CBS cameras, and from what little lip-reading experience I have, I think it went something like this: “Jesus Christ Brodie!!  Snap the fucking ball!!  WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!!  Has anybody ever told you that you look like Demitri Martin??”

So, yelling at your players = arrogance.  And, if they fuck up royally, they had better hold themselves accountable by, I don’t know, admitting and taking the full weight of the performance of the football team.  Too bad Haley is too arrogant to do that.

“We’re going to have a smart team here…how the half ended, I’d say [I didn’t coach smart].  I’m the leader of this football team, and when you have the ball in an area where you can score points and you don’t get points, it’s all going to fall on me.”

BAH-Huhhhhh???  He took responsibility for the loss??  But I thought he was arrogant and dickish?!?!  I mean, Jason Whitlock said so!!  I don’t get it.  I thought Vic Vinegar was coaching the team, Whit, but you’re right…only an A-Hole would say that he’s the leader of a football team.  What an un-self-controlable prick!!

And let’s not forget that the chiefs have cut or traded 31 players from last year’s roster and only THREE of them currently reside on NFL rosters, and one of them is Tony Freaking Gonzalez.  Nope…not important.  Right, Jason??

“[Pioli and Haley are] so caught up in establishing all the little ‘intangibles’ they think create a winning environment that they’ve lost sight of the fact that players win football games — not head coaches or general managers.”

Wait, but…no, I …room spinnin…[bzzzzzbzzzzz] *smack*

[wakes up three hours later]

Sorry, I was having a dream where I was reading a Jason Whitlock column in which he was laying down scant evidence to his claim that Todd Haley (and Scott Pioli) being an asshole (to him) was the reason the Chiefs lost to the Raiders.  Then, while placing the modicum of blame on his ass-holic shoulders, he said something to undercut his entire argument by stating that it’s the players, and not the jackass coach that actually play the games, but the players are reflective of the coach, and if he’s an A-hole then it reflec…uh oh…[bzzzzzbzzzzz] *smack*

[wakes up three hours later]

Sorry, I was having a dream where I was on a fishing trip with Chris Daughtry and he was eaten by a manatee (maybe I should do this more often). 

You see what happened, Jason??  You see what happens when you try to trap me in your maze of pretzel logic??  I can only imagine the vitrol had Whitty been a columnist in Dallas 20 years ago when they went 1-15 and Jimmy Johnson, the architect to the biggest collective group of Assholes ever assembled (the Miami teams of the late 80’s) replaced a LEGEND in Tom Landry.

Now, I’m not saying that we’re going to go out and draft three first-ballot Hall of Famers or anything (unless the Vikings want to give us six draft picks for Larry Johnson…please??), but Jeezis man, these things take time.  What I saw on Sunday was a bad football team, and bad football teams find ways to lose.

But what I also saw was a young QB in Cassel really taking the reins of the offense, and when granted the request of having the game placed on his shoulders, succeeded.  I saw a head coach frustrated by the shortcomings of his players, but also showing genuine excitement for the same ones when they succeeded.  Much in the same way that many missed the boat in thinking that the Baltimore game was a success, many have missed the boat in thinking this one was an abject failure.

If you think that the current regime is not the right one, fine, but you had better have more than circumstantial evidence, and you’d better give it more than two freaking games.  Or how about the Chiefs invite Jason Whitlock to his own personal all-you-can-eat buffet in Pioli’s suite next game??  At least maybe that’ll save the rest of us by discouraging him to write shit like the shit that I read at kansascity.com/sports this morning.

Your Obligatory Report from River Falls

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Posted by Bellwether Johnson on 08/04/2009 – 3:55pm
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs

In this time of great anguish, pining away at the throes of another disheartening eddy of suckitude in the river of baseball glory, we wait, us faithful Kansas City sports fans, for late July, and the opening of a week of great expectation, endless possibility, and men the size of houses wheezing thru two-a-days. Ahh, yes, it is time once again for the opening of NFL training camps; players toiling away under the hot sun, veterans linking mentally with newly brought-on “chums”, and coaches littering the eardrums of the surrounding enthusiasts with a never-ending barrage of four-letter words. Dreams; yet to be dashed. Promise; as yet unrealized. Effort; thick in its unbridled enthusiasm.

Alright. Enough of this Ernest Hemingway shit. I need to cleanse my palate.

There…that’s better*

* That link was originally the now infamous Tiger Woods fart video which the PGA has apparently erased LeBron-itized from the internernet’s collective unconscious.  So unfair.

For once in the past 20 years, the Chiefs and Royals, neighbors sharing a common parking lot, started their seasons on opposite ends of the spectrum. The Royals, coming off of a promising second half of 2008 looked like they were poised to make a run. The Chiefs, coming off of a shit-tastic 2008, need to start from scratch.

And not that that’s a bad thing. Enthusiasm in River Falls is tempered for a second straight year; most knowing full well that Arrowhead will not be playing host to the AFC Championship game come January. We all know that a new regime breeds analysis as soon as the players hit the field: How will Haley coach? When will Tyson Jackson sign? Will Jason Whitlock find enough to eat? (YES).

NFL Camps breed positive stories, and really, from afar, this camp seems to be going just about the way I expected. Haley will be more hard-core than Herm (ie: more F-Bombs). LJ and Brian Waters will show up and work hard. Cassell will take the reigns and look sharp. A free agent signing here. An injury there.

And, there’s always one player who gets sent to the proverbial doghouse.

A year ago, the chiefs saw Glenn Dorsey as the cog in an A+ draft. Some gurus had him as their top rated player. Nobody could believe he’d slip down to #5. On him and Branden Albert, the Chiefs had pinned their rebuilding hopes. Alas, a year later, Dorsey appears undersized, out of position, and out of shape.

After failing his initial conditioning test, Haley has had Dorsey pushing tackling dummies, hauling equipment and furniture, and riding a stationary bike while the rest of the team practices. There were six players in total who failed the test, and while the others have been able to make it back with their teammates, Dorsey has remained in purgatory.

It’s understandable that a new head coach would want to make an example of somebody, but it being the #1 pick from a year ago sends a serious message that nobody is immune from being held accountable, lest they risk public humiliation. On top of that, Haley is making it clear that this is not just a ceremonial benching:

“If you’re not on the field practicing, you can’t help me do my job.”

Ouch. Considering Haley is the man holding him off the practice field, it seems as if Dorsey has a long climb ahead of him. Not only does he have to make a strong impression on the new coaching staff and teammates, but he also has to convert from a DT in a 4-3 to a DE in a 3-4.

I don’t think anybody was asking Dorsey to step up and be the leader of the defense (at least not yet), but not being able to take advantage of PT to mesh with the now de-facto leaders, Zach Thomas and Mike Vrabel, has got to hurt.

Still, the lack of practice time might be more lip service than anything else. Tyson Jackson is not yet signed and with the team, and the responsibility for this falls right into the lap of Scott Pioli. Jackson is eager to sign and get into camp.

The reason for his not being there is not greediness on Jackson’s part, or a lack of willingness to sign, but rather Pioli waiting for Aaron Curry to sign with Seattle so that he can make sure the Chiefs don’t over-pay. So, according to the men in charge, saving a few bucks when you have plenty to spend is more significant than getting your first-rounder into camp. But I’m okay with that.

You figure there has to be some line drawn in the sand when the money issue becomes secondary to Jackson getting on the field, and once that line is crossed, Jackson will be signed.  This makes me think even more that Haley’s words are aimed directly at Dorsey. He’d just better hope he’s not still peddling when his old LSU teammate hits town.

Jason Whitlock Whines: “I’m Not Whining.”

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Posted by Bellwether Johnson on 06/08/2009 – 12:47pm
Filed under Kansas City Chiefs

Our friend Jason has a little poopie in his pants this morning due to the fact that, over the weekend, Scott Pioli didn’t ease his un-ease over the new direction of the Kansas City Chiefs.  And how did Pioli and his minions shamefully rebuke his thought-out player/personnel suggestions this time?  Apparently, they wouldn’t let him within 100 yards of the buffet table practice field.

Ole’ Whitty proceeds to write a column slathered in sarcasm (and barbeque sauce, probably [ZING!]), that shakes his finger sternly at the new administration: Keep this up, and I’ll stop coming around.  Be careful what you ask for Jason…the Chiefs might actually take you up on your offer.

Rumor is that Todd Haley was more apt to let Gonzo skate after a sit-down meeting with the new head coach turned into a suggestion session with Tony’s takes on everybody from the punter to the pizza boy.  The message out of Arrowhead is clear and consistent: this is our show, and nobody is gonna tell us how to do things around here.

Well, the new sheriff has agitated the #1 Chiefs Agitator in Whitty, but that was inevitable.  I don’t think any of us believed we would make it even this long without being conflict-free (though the warning signs have been there).

Still we must ask; while the argument was made in typical Whitlock fashion, is it not salient?  And here’s the answer: Who knows.  And here’s another one: Who cares.

Are organizations that cut out the media ones that are more successful than those who keep the doors open?  The problem with a question like this is that there is no accurate, objective way to too vote ‘aye’ or ‘nay.’  To the average fan, sports journalism is way more squak than talk, and whether or not the media is getting treated fairly is secondary (and waaaaaaay down on the list) to the number in the left-hand column.

Plus, the only way that we know whether or not the media is being dealt with unjustly is through the accounts of the media members themselves, in which case they will, in all probability, be substantially biased, evidenced by how Whitlock’s ham-handed attempt at a pot-shot will be quickly shrugged off of Pioli’s shoulders.

Chiefs fans don’t care how far away media members have to stand from the practice field.  We don’t care how short Whitlock’s stay will be in River Falls this year.  The only people who do are Jason Whitlock and the resturaunteurs lamenting the absence of his waistline.

Also…Jason Whitlock is fat (ZING!).