Tag Archives: Matt Cassel

Anyone Need A Hockey Team?

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Posted by L. Wood Kellogg on 10/17/2009 – 4:06pm
Filed under Feature

So I know you were all done with the Royals in, uh, June or so.  I know you are all just about done with the Chiefs.  KU basketball is about to start, but it doesn’t really matter until the first of the year.  So what are you going to do with yourself???  Bellwether and I talked a little bit about why you should care about hockey.  You may even have some interest.  But being that Boots Tea-Baggio is doing hard time instead of moving a team into the Sprint Center, you probably have no idea who to watch.  I have a solution that I think will fit your needs…

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Minnesota Wild.

Minnesota???  Why would I give a shit about Minnesota??

I’ll tell you why.  The Wild fit exactly into the mold of Kansas City sports.  It’s actually kind of creepy.  Not Bellweather-Dushku-obsession creepy.  But creepy.  Allow me to explain.

What are some of the characteristics of a typical sports team in Kansas City?  Let’s list a few:

  1. They stink
  2. They have very little actual talent
  3. They have nice stadiums
  4. Their management has run them into the ground
  5. They draft poorly
  6. They make poor personnel decisions
  7. They have new coaches and GM’s
  8. They have a loyal and tortured fan base
  9. They don’t seem to have anything to look forward to

 I could keep going, but that should cover it for now.  Now, let’s take a look at these in relation to Kansas City and the Minnesota Wild.

1. They stink – We all the know the Chiefs can’t win (they can’t usually even cover), and we’re all very familiar with the epic losing of the other team across the parking lot.  The Wild suck.  They are 1-5-0.  They are currently 0-4 on a 5 game road trip. The one win they have they got by coming back from a 3 goal deficit in the third period in their home opener.  So do they fit?  Um, yeah.  Check.

2. They have very little actual talent – Greinke, Butler, Cassel (I guess), you would keep these guys if you were going to blow up the teams and start over.  But I am having a really tough time coming up with much else.  Same for the Wild.  Their goalie (Niklas Backstrom) came in second in voting for the Vezina Trophy (best goalie in the NHL) last season.  Martin Havlat was their big free agent pickup from the Blackhawks last season.  Brent Burns will be an All-Star defenseman in a year or two. Those are the only three that I think would have legitimate shots at playing any significant minutes on a contending team.  Watch one Wild game, and then tell me differently.  I dare you.  Check.

3. They have nice stadiums – We all love the K and Arrowhead.  They are great places to watch bad sports.  The Wild built the Xcel Energy Center in 2000.  It is regarded as one of the, if not the, nicest places to watch hockey in the league.  The tickets are reasonable, the atmosphere is awesome, the sight lines are all good, and the hockey stinks.  Check

4. Their management has run them into the ground – Following a surprising run to the Western Conference Finals in 2004, the Wild seemed to be on the verge of becoming a perennial contender.  Almost.   The former GM, Doug Risebrough, constantly failed to sign their potential free agents in time, they became free agents, and left for nothing.  Always letting your players leave with nothing in return empties the draft pool for you.  Add to that trading your draft picks for old veterans who don’t have anything left in the tank (Pavol Demitra, I am looking at you) leads you to…

5. They draft poorly – When the Wild have had draft picks, they have bombed.  You look at the stars of the league like Crosby, Malkin, and Ovechkin.  These are draft picks that are supreme talents, and their teams have reaped the rewards of drafting them,  The Wild have picked no one of any value.  Pierre Mark Bouchard??  A.J. Thelen???  Benoit Puliot??  Peter McBonereater??? Try and guess which of those first round pick names I made up.

6. They make poor personnel decisions – Tell me if this sounds familiar: An aging free agent is getting offers from some teams.  He would fill a void in your lineup, but he gets injured a lot, and wants way too much money.  So your team signs him to a ridiculously overpriced contract for 4 years, and it hamstrings your franchise.  Jose Guillen…no Mark Parrish.  He hasn’t played a game in two years, but the Wild are still paying him, and he hits on the salary cap.  Check.

7. They have new coaches and GM’s – The Wild have a new GM named Chuck Fletcher.  I know nothing about him other than if I was an NHL GM, I would go by Charles.  They also have a new coach named Todd Richards.  Chuck and Todd sound like the very nice couple of guys who live in the apartment down the hall from me…if you know what I mean.  Check.

8. Loyal and Tortured Fan base – Minnesota is the “State of Hockey”.  It’s in their blood.  It’s basically Canada.  So the NHL took their franchise and moved it to Dallas.  How is that possible??  How did anyone think that would be okay?  Years later, they are rewarded with an expansion team.  They have suffered through what an expansion team does, and they hate losing, but still sell out EVERY GAME.  Check.

9. They don’t seem to have anything to look forward to – We all know the Royals are not going to be good next year.  It’s been well documented that they have their hands tied this off season.  The Chiefs don’t have much going for them unless they somehow have 20-25 first round picks in April’s draft.  Same for the Wild.  They have absolutely nothing in their minor league system thanks to poor, and a lack of, draft picks.  There is a hard salary cap, and the Wild are right at it.  They have a lot of long term dollars tied up in crappy players.  This season is pretty shot, and next year isn’t looking good either.  Check.

So there you have it.  Look at the Minnesota Wild, and tell me that they don’t fit right in.  Give them a chance.  Get the NHL package and become a fan.  What else are you going to do until March Madness?

 Oh, and the Wild play in Vancouver tonight at 9:00pm central.  What’s nice about the really late games is that you can get good and sauced before the game even starts, then the loss doesn’t hurt as bad.  Go Wild!!!!

Chiefs Blog 8/15/2009

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Posted by Bellwether Johnson on 08/15/2009 – 8:33pm
Filed under Feature, Kansas City Chiefs

It’s football time in Kansas City!!  And you know what that means??  Barbeque!!  Wait…except I live in Iowa, not KC.  So, instead of smoking a 15 pound pork shoulder for 10 hours, I spent the day with Casey’s General Store pizza, a case of Budweiser, and a dozen nightcrawlers.  Yes, nothing says football like standing in the rain waiting for the fish to bite on the shore of the Raccoon River.  It’s now 7:00, and sufficiently drunk, I will now attempt to amuse all of you out there in TV land by live blogging the first preseason game of the Pioli/Haley era of Chiefs football.

And what’s not to get excited about?!?  Here we have a talentless team filled with nobodies, re-treads and “stars” in need of attitude adjustments.  Fortunately, it looks as if Clark put some men in charge that can change all of that.  I know you’ve heard that out of me before.  People are generally falling into two camps when it comes to thoughts about the new Chiefs.  They are either blindly loyal to the new regime, fully trusting their every move, or they are extremely suspicious of them, not that the previous leadership had any indication of football acumen. 

While I clearly land in the first category, there is one thing that the unapologetic can cop to: that this team, for the first time in about five years, has direction; a purpose to their actions.  Hopefully, this game will at least let us know that the direction is towards the Super Bowl, and not the direction of the team across the parking lot from Arrowhead.

Or…you know, not. It is, after all, the preseason.  There’s a good chance that I won’t get past two minutes into the second quarter.  But, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.  We ready!!!??

First, though, some quick odds:

3:1 – We get a new Coors Light press conference commercial starring Herm Edwards.

50:1 – That I make it thru this blog w/out mentioning Jean Phillipe Darche, even though he’s not on the team any more.

EVEN – Odds the Chiefs gat some shitty country star like Trace Atkins to pimp the 50th anniversiary of the Chiefs…shit.

We got my buddies K and Rentel set for some football…let’s do it!!

7:04 – Rich Baldinger gets thru his Chiefs analysis without swallowing his own tongue, so that’s a plus.

7:05 – Andy Studebaker makes the tackle on the kickoff.  I wish that was a made up name, but it’s not…and I think that makes it more awesome.

7:08 -  Big play on Third and 11.  Maurice Leggett with a sack!!

7:09 – Blogging a live sporting event is a little different than blogging an awards show; things move fast.  I haven’t even had a chance to make the obligatory Sage Rosenfels joke yet.

7:12 – Rentel and K are both huge Packer and Iowa Hawkeye fans, and have very little (no) interest in the Chiefs.  In related news, Mike Goff is a former Hawkeye, according to Rentel.  Actually, we’re not entirely sure, but we’re drunk so we’re going with it.

7:13 – Jaycee Pearson describes Mario Williams as a “dandy,” which is what I’m calling the spelling of Jaycee Pearson’s name.

7:14 – After Cassel’s first completion on third down, K announces, “Wow, the Chiefs are probably gonna win the Super Bowl this year.”  If I didn’t already mention it, I’ll mention right now that we’re drunk.

7:16 – Wow.  I was reeeeeeally hoping that the Herm Edwards Coors Light presser commercial that we knew was coming would be better, but it was as predictable as the Chiefs play calling in their first series.  C’mon, Chiefs!!  You PLAY to win the GAME!!

7:19 – Chiefs D has been doing a pretty good job of stuffing the run , and Tamba Hali and Derrick Johnson are swarming to the ball.  I’m really trying to temper my enthusiasm, but they are really playing well.

7:22 – Still waiting for the flea-flicker touchdown that’s bound to come because I typed that last comment.

7:23 – Sure enough, a screen play on third and ten goes for a first down when Tamba gets caught behind the blockers.  Points for following the play and almost hopping on a loose ball, though, which is kind of like saying it’s good that Miguel Olivo filed out to center instead of striking out swinging.

7:25 – Rentel thinks Mike Sherman might be a coordinator for the Texans (He’s not…he’s the head coach for Texas A&M).  Accordingly, we’re now convinced that that’s where Mike Goff went.

7:28 The Chiefs are attempting a goal line stand, and give up a touchdown on a third and one from the two.  RB Chris Brown scored thanks to the Texans offensive line treating the Chiefs D like Rhianna’s face (too soon??)

7:29 – K: “Does Shonn Green play for either of these teams??  No??  Well, then…I’m not interested.”

7:35 – The Chiefs go three and out.  Feel the POWER!!  I need some more whiskey.

7:39 – Rentel lets us know that the Packers are currently up 7-0.  K: “Does Shonn Green play for them??”

7:40 – It’s now a torrential downpour at Arrowhead, and there are some fans cheering sans pancho.  K: “Man, you Chiefs fans are NUTS.”  I’m too drunk to try to decipher whether or not he’s being sarcastic.

7:42 – Since I mentioned how good he’s doing, Tamba Hali has gotten lost during a screen, missed picking up a fumble, and now he’s drawn offside.  I want to give Matt Schaub a compliment so that I can hopefully jinx him too, but he lost his job to Sage Rosenfels last year, so that would be impossible.

7:45 – Matt Cassel makes a great throw to Sean Ryan on third down, but he muffs it like a horny midget prostitute.  That simile brought to you by K’s whiskey.

7:50 – Not even an hour in, and we’re bored as hell.  We might be wrapping this up soon to play some Seinfeld Scene-It.  You think I’m joking, but I’m not.

7:52 – Another third and long for the  Chief’s D.  They’re doing a pretty good job of holding what’s supposed to be a powerful offense this season in the Texans.  Oh, what’s that??  Dan Orlofsky is the QB now??  Nevermind…

7:56 – Jackie Battle has been getting a lot of touches today.  If you would have told me that Judith Light’s sister in Who’s the Boss was played by an actress named Jackie Battle, I would have believed you.

8:00 – Aaaaaand, Cassell fumbles.  Texans ball.  Whoopedy-doo.  I think we might just be done.

8:02 – In “The Seven,” what repetitive behavior does Jerry’s girlfriend exhibit that prompts him to say, “It’s our first date, she’s already in reruns?”

Well, that just about does it for me.  I really just wanted to see the starters, and see if there was any difference from last year.  Well, there really isn’t.  The offense is anemic, the defense is a siv, and we  continue to suck.  Still, there does seem to be a different look/attitude to the Chiefs.  A certain “je ne sais quoi,” if you will.  They seem to be playing with a purpose.  It’s just too bad that doesn’t make us suck less. 

Oh, and…Jean Phillepe Darche

Dead Wednesday Recap

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Posted by Bellwether Johnson on 07/16/2009 – 1:02pm
Filed under Feature

What an exciting day!!  Yesterday is what is known in sports-circles as Dead Wednesday*.  It is perhaps the slowest sports day of the year.  The All Star Game festivities are done with, Basketball, Football and…(what’s the other major league sport in America??)…oh, yeah…Lacrosse are all out of season.  So, what’s a sports fan to do??  Well, tune in here, of course!!  KC Sports Podcast proudly brings you the First Annual Dead Wednesday Recap!!

* Obviously it’s known as Dead Wednesday because the day after the All Star Game fell on a Wednesday this year.  We need a better nickname for this day.  Suggestions??  Casimir Pulaski Day is already taken.

 

Jeremy Mayfield Likes Meth.  I mean, a Lot

I’ll admit that I’m kind of a Nascar fan.  I don’t really follow it too much, but, for example, I can probably, with a gun to my head, rattle off about 15-20 drivers.  I know Chad Knaus is Jimmy Johnson’s Crew Chief.  I know Kyle Busch* is an asshole, etc. etc.

* I really like Kyle Bush, but with the way he runs his mouth, shouldn’t he have a different sponsor than M&Ms??  I mean, that’s like the most non-threatening candy in the world next to Mounds, right??  I think he should be sponsored by Krackel.  I know you can only get them in the Halloween variety packs with Mr. Goodbar, but doesn’t Keackel just sound a little more badass??  If I told you Krackel was the name of Ivan Drago’s cut man, you’d believe me, wouldn’t’ you??

But here are some things about Nascar I don’t understand:

-So we’ve reached Nascar’s midseason, and there’s only, what…23 more races to go??

-It seems like Jeff Gordon wins about every other week, yet he’s still in like eighth place in the standings.

-I think Tony Stewart got deducted like 20,000 points last week because the pit crewmember who jacks up his car (Jackman??) had his fly down or some stupid shit like that.

But probably the best story about Nascar this season comes to us from off the track in the form of Jeremy Mayfield.  Every major sport in the world over the last few years, due to the fervor of steroids in baseball, has instituted some sort of drug policy.  Now, I’m sure they would like you to believe the testing was instituted to avoid any embarrassment to the sanctity of the sport, or to level the competition, or some such crap.  Really, it was just a way to cover their asses, and I’m sure they all breathed a deep sigh of relief that the policy was introduced before an intrepid reporter found Andro in Tony Stewart’s trailer.

It takes some cojones to run a piece of machinery the size of a stock car around the track at 8,000 mph, and I have nothing but respect for the guys doing it; if they need a little boost, or pick-me-up to keep their guard up, then I’m all for it.  Not surprising, then that when word came out that Mayfield had tested positive for a banned substance, his excuse was that his “medically prescribed” Aderall had interacted with some cold medication to create a false positive.  That seemed admissible.  If I was in need of a little extra concentration to avoid flying into a concrete wall, I’m sure I could find a doc to scribble “ADHD” into his notebook for me.

Due to some legal wrangling, we didn’t get to learn the truth about the positive test until a couple of weeks later: Meth!!  Wow…I mean, I knew the sport was popular with meth-heads, but now I see why.  I guess the fans really do see a little bit of themselves in the drivers.  Mayfield was obviously indignant, and a US District Court lifted the ban while he disputed the findings, but, obviously not wanting a meth-head behind the wheel of a $200,000 dollar automobile, every team declined to put him back in the field.

But now, it seems, a second test was administered on July 6, and the results were made public in a court filing yesterday.  What do you think happened??  BINGO!!  METH!!  Not only that, but now his stepmother has submitted an affidavit with the filing saying that, yes, not only is Jeremy a tweaker, but she’s seen him do it…before races!!

“I saw Jeremy use methamphetamine by snorting it up his nose at least 30 times during the seven years I was around him.”

Jeremy responds:

“She’s basically a whore…She shot and killed my dad.”

That’s right!!  It gets better!!  Mayfield is putting his money where his mouth is by suing his stepmother for the wrongful death of his father, who’s passing in 2007 was ruled as a suicide by the Chapel Hill, N.C., medical examiner.  Apparently Mayfield feels that the gunshot to his chest was not self-inflicted.

I keep waiting for a goatee’d hidden evil Jeremy Mayfield twin to emerge.  Just awesome.  Somebody get me some meth to chew on…this is better than The Guiding Light.

 

Diana Taurasi Likes The Booze.  I mean, a Lot

Now time for your Dead Wednesday WNBA recap!!

There were ten teams in action last night.  Try to find the made up team names:

Storm, Shock, Fillies, Silver Stars, Lynx, Stallions, Steed, Monarchs, Sky, Seabiscuits

Bet you can’t, can you??

From the amount of press given to Candace Parker’s recent child birth, you’dve thunk she farted out the little rugrat on center court.  While an athlete carrying a human child for nine moths, giving birth, and coming back to perform at a high athletic level postpartum is remarkable, I think her coach Michael Cooper might have gone a little looney when he said:

“I wish Michael Jordan could give birth and come out and play…The only thing he had to do was fight a cold and then throw up against Utah [in the 1998 NBA Finals]…He’s not half the woman that Candace is.”

Touche.  Aside from the whole “not having ovaries” thing, I think MJ could hang.  I’d like to see Candace Parker go with Charles Oakley to a strip club for 12 hours, blow about 160 large at the craps table in Atlantic City, get three hours of sleep, and still drop 40 on the Nets.  Well, maybe Candace wouldn’t be able to hang, but I bet I know who would:

Diana Taurasi!!

Taurasi has always seemed to me to be the girl from the sorority that nobody wants to ever admit having slept with, but after four years, you realize that 2/3 of the fraternity has taken her home from the bars at one point or another.  Guess what this story does??  I’ll tell you what it does!!  It does absolutely nothing to convince me of anything different!!

Apparently, our girl was nabbed for a DUI on July 2nd, but Diana went a little farther than having just a few too many pops.  Nope, looks like she had about a few dozen too many, blowing a .17, over twice the legal limit, and qualifying as an “extreme” DUI case.  Fun!!

A few people have been up-in-arms about this situation, calling for her to be banned from the All Star Team (wait…the WNBA has an All Star Team??).  I mean, she’s an inspiration to little girls, right??  She has to pay for her mistakes, right??

Maybe she should have just used the Charles Barkley excuse.  Worked for him.

 

The Royals Like to Suck.  I mean, a Lot

I’ve got your second half prediction RIGHT HERE.

 

Matt Casell Likes Money. I mean…well, not as much as he could

 

It’s July 16th, it’s 102 degrees outside.  You know what that means??  Chiefs news!! 

We’ll keep this “analysis” on the short side because, well, this is actually some pretty big Chiefs news.  Seems as if we’ve gone and found ourselves a quarterback to hitch our wagon to for the next six years.  As Brad Doolittle points out, of the teams in the past 40 years that have reached the level of futility the Chiefs have reached over the past two seasons, the ones who have pulled themselves into a winner have had one common ingredient: a franchise quarterback.

Reaction to the Casell deal seems to fall into two camps:

 

1.)    It was a good deal for the Chiefs.  They have locked up the franchise QB for a number of years, and considering he was due a salary to the tune of $15 mil. this season, they were able to sign him at below market value.

2.)    The Chiefs are taking far too much risk.  Cassel is an unproven commodity, given that he was given the keys to the Cadillac offense of the Pats, and now has to rebuild a jalopy with the Chiefs.  Also, I’m angry they won’t let me close to the field.

 

Sure, it’s a risk for any team to sign a guy for as long as the Chiefs did, and for as much money as they did it for.  But, the team got a very close look at him in OTAs, and were able to couple that with the knowledge of him that Pioli brought over to give them an idea of what he’s capable of.  Word on the street is that he has pin-point accuracy, and while he does occasionally miss on the deep ball, it’s not that big of a concern given that there’s not a big deep threat currently on the roster. 

Not saying that that’s not a problem, but if the organization feels he’s the right piece, I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt…at least until they only win 2 out of their next 23.