The honus for the shit storm that was the 2009 Kansas City Royals falls directly on the shoulders of one Dayton Moore.  It is clear that something needs to change.  But Moore has handcuffed the organization with swing first ask questions later type players with no chance of getting out from under their dead weight for at least another year.  So, where do we look to shake things up to avoid a repeat of the most disappointing baseball season in recent memory??

Not at the coaching staff!!

Nope.  They, apparently did a fine, upstanding job, and will all be retained!!  Well, except for this year’s organizational scapegoat: bullpen coach John Mizerock.  I find this incredibly surprising for a couple of reasons.  1.) Why not just blow the whole damn thing up and start over??  2.) Given this organization’s aversion to getting rid of organizationally tenured gentlemen, why fire Rock after 18 years of servitude??

Well, he didn’t do his job.  However, that job is a little hard to do when you’re given the shit-sandwich that was the Royals bullpen this year.  Fair enough.  Position coaches are usually easily expendable, and the turnover for most of them is high.  But the question I have is why, if we are looking at coaches to blame, are we not all pointing fingers at third base coach Dave Owen??

It’s hard to be objective about base coaches.  They mostly stand there, scratch themselves, and try not to get beat up by meth-heads.  But, generally speaking, it has always been the third base coach’s job to run the baserunning operation for the ball club.  Looking at every available metric – basestealing, going 1^st to 3^rd on a single, making it home from first on a double – proves the Royals weren’t just a group of putrid baserunners, but they were by far the most putrid group of baserunners in baseball.

But it hasn’t always been that way.  Mark Teahan was always considered one of the smartest baserunners in the game.  David DeJesus was always a double-digit positive in Bill James’ baserunning plus/minus until 2008.  Both of them have regressed to being well below average baserunners.

It’s one thing to fire a bullpen coach for not being able to make bad players better, but to hold onto a coach that has proven to make good players worse??  That’s just criminal.

Lastly, A Quick World Series Prediction:

Pickin’ all of these NFL games week in and week out has gotten me in the predictionarial mood, so I’ve decided to give my two cents on the baseball playoffs.  Always a futile effort, MLB playoff predictions are about as reliable as Kyle Farnsworth pitching the eighth.  Still, as baseball is the sport about which I have the most knowledge, I’ll do my best to embarrass the crap out of myself for the next few paragraphs:

1.)  The Yanks seem like the odds-on favorite to win this year, but, despite all of the hoopla about the Twins having to come back after an emotional win, and the firepower they posess, I smell trouble.  I don’t like the fact that the Bombers are going up against crafty left-handers (the type of pitchers they never do well against) in game one, then have to go to baggie-land for at least one game this series.  Still, though, it’s tough to see the Yankees F’n this one up…though I wouldn’t put it past them.

2.)  Ever since the advent of the Wild Card, the recipe for postseason success has always been two strong front-line pitchers, a large middle-of-the-lineup presence, and a bunch of white, no-name players that will scrap the shit outta you, and come out of nowhere with timely hits out the wazzo.  Well, there’s one team that has those components in spades, and that team is the St. Louis Cardinals.  That’s right, I said it.

So, what…Yanks, Twinkies and Cards…that’s it, isn’t it?? 

World Series: Cardinals over Yankees in Six.  That’s right, I said it. 

*”look forward” may be a strong way of putting it.  It’s more like “looking forward to a colonoscopy.”

But I’ve realized that it is not the losses that bother me.  It’s not the way that they lose them that bothers me either.  It’s the fact that, for the most part, when someone comes up to bat, I know that they stink.  The personnel on this team are frighteningly bad.  It’s epically bad.  And then when analysts say things like, “there is nothing better in the minor league system.” I want to vomit.   So for fun this morning, I pieced together a new starting lineup from player we could have had.  By this I mean players that we already had once.  Here is what I have versus tonight’s predicted starting lineup.

Center Field:

Tonight – David DeJesus .256/.314/.414  7 HR 41 RBI

Could Have Been (CHB) – Carlos Beltran .336/.425/.527  8 HR 40 RBI

The power numbers are a little deceiving, but you know Beltran was a better fielder.   Tell me you wouldn’t make this trade straight up right now.  I dare you.

2^nd Base:

Tonight – Alberto Callaspo .298/.352/.455  6 HR 35 RBI

CHB – Joey Gathright .000/.000/.000  0 HR 0 RBI

Good Lord!  We haven’t had a decent second baseman in a while.  Does anyone have mark Grudzielanek’s number handy and some Alleve?

1^st Base:

Tonight – Billy Butler .290/.340/.449  8 HR 38 RBI

CHB – Raul Ibanez .312/.369/.669  24 HR 63 RBI

Obviously Butler is a good player, and should become a solid middle of the order guy.  But man did we miss the Ibanez thing.  Plus, he played in Seattle; which we LOVE…A LOT.

DH:

Tonight – Mike Jacobs .222/.296/.412  12 HR 30 RBI

CHB – Matt Stairs .283/.434/.517  4 HR 13 RBI

I haven’t liked Jacobs since he got rid of the facial hair.  Plus, I have always wanted to just sit and eat fried cheese curds with Stairs.  Just sounds like a good time.

3^rd Base:

Tonight – Alex Gordon .095/.269/.238  1 HR 3 RBI

CHB – Mark Teahen .294/.350/.447  9 HR 29 RBI

I don’t know what to do here (and frankly neither do the Royals).  Is Joe Randa in the house??  Joe??

Right Field:

Tonight – Jose Guillen .243/.315/.376  9 HR 37 RBI

CHB – Jermaine Dye .302/.375/.567  20 HR 55 RBI

This just makes me ill. 

Left Field:

Tonight – Mark Teahen .294/.350/.447 9 HR 29 RBI

CHB – Johnny Damon .276/.362/.510 16 HR 50 RBI

Eh, whatever?

Shortstop:

Tonight – Yuniesky Betancourt.250/.278/.330 2 HR 22 RBI

CHB – Angel Berroa .136/.174/.182 0 HR 1 RBI

I’ll reserve judgment on this one for now.  No I won’t.  Crap!!

Catcher:

Tonight – Miguel Olivo .244/.267/.476  13 HR 35 RBI

CHB – John Buck .211/.294.422 3 HR 19 RBI

How is it that we haven’t had a decent catcher in a decade?  Shouldn’t we have lucked into one on accident or something?

So there you have it.  I am not guaranteeing that my “fantasy team” would beat the Rays tonight.  But I can guarantee that I wouldn’t feel the level of despair I am used to while watching Mariners East baseball.  Take it for what it’s worth.  Oh, happy 29th birthday to Joe Lachky!  This last one is for you.

Ross “Blow your” Gload is batting .280/.345/.416 3 HR 15 RBI this season.

Teahen on the trading block (protected) according to Gammons. Thanks MLBTR.

I’ve been calling this for years, but it has taken the Royals too long to figure it out. Mark Teahen is a Major League player, but his mediocarcy and overhyped ability in key positions is killing this Royals team. If he came up in any other organization he would of been in AAA, refining his approach at the plate and figuring out what kind of hitter he is. Instead, he was called up way too early and put into 3 and 4 spots in the lineup based on potenital and a freakish half season of power. His hitting approach is inconsistant laughable at times. Swinging early to prevent getting in a 0-2 count. Also, swinging at anything inside because a lack of knowldge of the inside strikezone. How many times do we have to see Teahen strikeout with the bases loaded this year? He’s 0 for 6 in those situations  and batting .242 in RISP overall.  He’s not an RBI machine, but a perfect 7 or 8 hitter for the Boston Redsox or Altana Braves. It would be sad to see him excel with another team, but the comments made about how “valuable” he is to the team for the different positions he played for the Royals, is a cover-up for saying “you just don’t hit good enough to secure your own spot”.

These Royals players need to be accountable too, as Dayton has said in the past. Mark Teahen has progressive got worse in every batting statistic, except homeruns, since 2006. He is making $3,575,000 this year. I don’t think his hussle and sarcastic jokes make up for that.

Get at me!!

Really, his main goal throughout the years has been to cover the Chiefs, bitch about Carl Peterson, and try to lure Bob Gretz into the Silence of the Lambs-style well that he dug for him in his living room, so I can usually give him a pass for his (lack of) baseball knowledge. But this column is maddening because it is so devoid of fact that it contradicts itself over-and-over again. In the column, Jason begins:

Being the Royals’ manager post-Ewing Kauffman has always been one of the most maddening jobs in professional sports…How do you get the Royals to a .500 record and in contention for the American League Central crown without spending an excessive amount of dollars on payroll?

Apparently, Trey Hillman has become the GM of the team as well as the manager by going back in time and killing Ewing Kauffman in order to take over [muuuaaaa-ha-ha-ha]. Listen, we all know that it’s easier to buy talent with a larger payroll, but…well, do I really have to go back over this: A’s, Twins, Rays, Marlins, Rockies, Brewers. Blah, bu-blah, bu-blah. BORING. Throw those successful small-market teams out the window. You’re sooo right, Jason. Higher payroll = better manager. Settled.

[Hillman's job is ] still one of the toughest in sports [e]ven with an elevated payroll…

All of the players on the Royals are, in fact vampires. All major-leaguers are. Hillman can’t compete with their insatiable thirst for blood. How do the Yankees consistently win? They have Abigail Whistler on their staff to teach A-Rod the ways of the Daywalker…duh. Whistler’s salary?? Eleventy-Billion Dollars. See?? The Royals just can’t compete.

Kyle Farnsworth, the former Yankee, is supposed to be the prized new po$$e$$ion of the bullpen staff. At a cost of $4.5 million per season, Farnsworth was purchased for the express purpose of taking over in the exact situation he did on Wednesday.

Booyah!! Suck it, Trebek!! Sarcastic dollar-sign S’s!! And he’s a former Yankee?!?! Whitlock, you ARE the master.

It’s April, and Hillman is already being asked whether he should rethink his Farnsworth strategy. He’s not going to.

Look, Kyle Farnsworth hasn’t exactly lived up to his contract. Hell, at this point he’d probably have to throw three no-hitters and go Jeter on India de Beaufort in the Dri Duck Fountain just to justify it in my mind. Still, for his career, coming into 2009, Farnsworth had been the losing pitcher while allowing at least three earned runs in only eight of his 586 major-league relief outings. He’s done it in two out of four so far this year. Sufficed to say he now has an even shorter leash; I don’t blame Hillman for trotting him out there yesterday. And let’s not forget that Ron Mahay, the supposedly air-tight reliever, is the one who let in the inherited runs.

[H]e’s not going to stop tinkering with his lineup. Nine games in and we’ve already witnessed eight different lineups. That’s standard baseball in Kansas City.

It’s also standard baseball for any manager who’s had both his starting RF and 3B head to the DL in the first week, and has a ballclub scoring the lowest runs in baseball. Who would you like to see in the lineup, Whitlock?? And I swear to God, if you say Trezelle Jenkins, I’m gonna just SNAP.

I’ve got a better game. Let’s try to figure out how he’s going to end this epic Pulitzer-winner:

1.) Mentioning Bo Jackson, the only other Royals player in history he knows

2.) Making up a rap nickname for Mark Teahen

3.) Eating Jose Guillen

4.) Bringing up the NFL for NO reason whatsoever

5.) Discussing the signability of Hannibal King

Managing a baseball game isn’t supposed to be like calling offensive plays in the NFL. Managers occasionally get to relax.

Damn…I was really hoping for Number 3…

The other side to the lost is the 11 LOBs by the team who hit a League leading 56 homeruns in Spring Training. Maybe someone should tell Mike Jacobs popping a ball up doesn’t mean a homerun in Chicago and if Billy Butler is going to go 0-4 with 5 LOBs, his wife is not going to make his favorite Corn Dog Casserole anymore.

Ok, that felt nice. Now I have to give props to the two guys I’ve been ragging on. Alex Gordon showed he’s not as “pull-happy” as previous years with a deep homerun to center and Mark Teahen looked like a well balanced hitter at the plate, but he still shouldn’t be in the 3rd slot and can’t power arms. We’ll discuss more in the podcast.