As we look forward to the second half of this Royals (or as I am calling them, The Mariners East) season*, I can’t say that I am not disappointed. It’s not that I thought the Royals were going to win the World Series. I didn’t even think they would make the playoffs. But I will say this; I have not lived in Kansas City since the mid-80’s. Never before this season have I ever ponied up the money to purchase the MLB package. And that is saying something because I pay every year for the NHL package (see Bellwether, someone watches hockey), and I even got the NBA package one season. But I finally did it because I thought this team may actually play a meaningful game in the second half of the season. I now know this will not happen, and it’s like getting punched in the gut once a month when I see that $50 charge on my cable bill.
*”look forward” may be a strong way of putting it. It’s more like “looking forward to a colonoscopy.”
But I’ve realized that it is not the losses that bother me. It’s not the way that they lose them that bothers me either. It’s the fact that, for the most part, when someone comes up to bat, I know that they stink. The personnel on this team are frighteningly bad. It’s epically bad. And then when analysts say things like, “there is nothing better in the minor league system.” I want to vomit. So for fun this morning, I pieced together a new starting lineup from player we could have had. By this I mean players that we already had once. Here is what I have versus tonight’s predicted starting lineup.
Center Field:
Tonight – David DeJesus .256/.314/.414 7 HR 41 RBI
Could Have Been (CHB) – Carlos Beltran .336/.425/.527 8 HR 40 RBI
The power numbers are a little deceiving, but you know Beltran was a better fielder. Tell me you wouldn’t make this trade straight up right now. I dare you.
2nd Base:
Tonight – Alberto Callaspo .298/.352/.455 6 HR 35 RBI
CHB – Joey Gathright .000/.000/.000 0 HR 0 RBI
Good Lord! We haven’t had a decent second baseman in a while. Does anyone have mark Grudzielanek’s number handy and some Alleve?
1st Base:
Tonight – Billy Butler .290/.340/.449 8 HR 38 RBI
CHB – Raul Ibanez .312/.369/.669 24 HR 63 RBI
Obviously Butler is a good player, and should become a solid middle of the order guy. But man did we miss the Ibanez thing. Plus, he played in Seattle; which we LOVE…A LOT.
DH:
Tonight – Mike Jacobs .222/.296/.412 12 HR 30 RBI
CHB – Matt Stairs .283/.434/.517 4 HR 13 RBI
I haven’t liked Jacobs since he got rid of the facial hair. Plus, I have always wanted to just sit and eat fried cheese curds with Stairs. Just sounds like a good time.
3rd Base:
Tonight – Alex Gordon .095/.269/.238 1 HR 3 RBI
CHB – Mark Teahen .294/.350/.447 9 HR 29 RBI
I don’t know what to do here (and frankly neither do the Royals). Is Joe Randa in the house?? Joe??
Right Field:
Tonight – Jose Guillen .243/.315/.376 9 HR 37 RBI
CHB – Jermaine Dye .302/.375/.567 20 HR 55 RBI
This just makes me ill.
Left Field:
Tonight – Mark Teahen .294/.350/.447 9 HR 29 RBI
CHB – Johnny Damon .276/.362/.510 16 HR 50 RBI
Eh, whatever?
Shortstop:
Tonight – Yuniesky Betancourt.250/.278/.330 2 HR 22 RBI
CHB – Angel Berroa .136/.174/.182 0 HR 1 RBI
I’ll reserve judgment on this one for now. No I won’t. Crap!!
Catcher:
Tonight – Miguel Olivo .244/.267/.476 13 HR 35 RBI
CHB – John Buck .211/.294.422 3 HR 19 RBI
How is it that we haven’t had a decent catcher in a decade? Shouldn’t we have lucked into one on accident or something?
So there you have it. I am not guaranteeing that my “fantasy team” would beat the Rays tonight. But I can guarantee that I wouldn’t feel the level of despair I am used to while watching Mariners East baseball. Take it for what it’s worth. Oh, happy 29th birthday to Joe Lachky! This last one is for you.
Ross “Blow your” Gload is batting .280/.345/.416 3 HR 15 RBI this season.