Tag Archives: Curling

Listen To Me; I Am An Expert

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Posted by L. Wood Kellogg on 03/09/2010 – 4:06pm
Filed under Feature, Local College

It’s baaaaack.  Yup, March Madness is fully upon us.  The Tim Horton’s Brier Curling Cup competition started Saturday. 

Did you see Manitoba just flatten Prince Edward Island?  Oh, you didn’t?  Me neither.  I was too busy immersing myself completely in college basketball hysteria.  Here is how excited I am; pretend this guy is me, and the fire is college basketball.  Get the idea?

As a KU fan, tomorrow begins my second favorite part of the season.  The Big XII tournament.  I figured that since I am the official KCSportsPodcast college basketball guru, you all would appreciate my opinion on what’s going to happen over the next four days in Kansas City.

Plus, do you really want to read anymore about the Royals?  I thought so.

So here we go with my predictions on how everyone will do starting with the worst teams, and going to the winner.

The “If they are getting rid of gift baskets, then why are we going?” Group.

Oklahoma 13-17 (4-12):

Why they can win: They can’t.  This season has been a disaster for Boomer.  This team’s fans are just waiting for football season.  That’s it.

Why they will lose:  I don’t know.  Because they aren’t very good at basketball.

Where will they finish: Lose in the first round to Oklahoma State by 20.

Nebraska 14-17 (2-14):

Why they can win: They also cannot.  The only thing they might win is the “Guy with the longest name” award.

Why they will lose: Because that same guy just looks too much like Scott Baio. 

Where they will finish: Lose in the first round to Missouri by 10.

The “Let’s piss someone’s fans off and win a game we shouldn’t” Group

Iowa State 15-16 (4-12):

Why they can win: Ask Kansas State.  They are athletic.  Craig Brackens would be all Big XII if he was surrounded with anything, and Gilstrap can play.  Plus, you gotta’ believe that they are coming in with quite a bit of confidence.

Why they will lose: Along with confidence, a game like that also gives you a lot of mental and physical fatigue

Where they will finish: Quarterfinals

Texas Tech 16-14 (4-12):

Why they can win: They can tie.  Check this stat out.  Texas tech scores on average 76.4 points per game.  They give up 76.4 points per game.  My guess is that they find a way to tie it.   Then they just need one point in OT to win.

Why they will lose: This team was 12-2 coming into conference play, and 4-12 since then.  They kind of a collapse doesn’t happen for no reason.

Where they will finish: Quarterfinals

The “How the hell were we ever ranked #1” Group

Texas 23-8 (9-7):

Why they can win: The talent is there.  People didn’t just guess that this team was good, and rank them #1.  If they can play to their potential, they can win the whole tournament.

Why the will lose: Because they won’t play to their potential.  Plus, I hate Texass. (misspelled on purpose)

Where they will finish:  Well, if you have been following along with your brackets you will notice that I think they will lose in the opening round to Iowa State by 8.

The “You should win the first game, but I would never wager on you” Group

Colorado 15-15 (6-10):

Why they can win: They just beat the Red Raiders by 11 last weekend.  Plus, Alec Burks gets to come and play in his hometown.

Why they will lose: The Buffs are on a three game winning streak.  They haven’t had a four game streak this entire season.

Where they will finish: Lose to Texas Tech in the opening round by 6

The “Teams that are complete wild cards” Group

Oklahoma State 21-9 (9-7):

Why they can win: Two words; James Anderson.  He is the only guy in the tournament with the ability to pick his team up onto his back and carry them to a title.

Why they will lose: Three words; No One Else.  That’s the problem.  If Anderson is off, who is going to pick up the slack?  It is saying something when you have the Big XII player of the year, and yet you barley finished above .500 in the league. 

Where they will finish: Quarterfinals.

The “What do you mean we have a first round bye” Group

Texas A&M 22-8 (11-5):

Why they can win: I personally believe that Turgeon should have been coach of the year.  You look at this team, and you don’t see anything real special.  But they somehow get it done.  They get good guard play from Sloan, and have a solid big man in Bryan Davis.

Why they will lose: This team has not had this kind of success in a while.  They have only had a first round bye three times ever.  Average seeding…8.3.  Too much pressure on the poor Aggies.

Where they will finish: Quarterfinals

Baylor 24-6 (11-5):

Why they can win: LaceDarius Dunn is a star.  As is LaceQuincy Acy and LaceEkpe Udoh.  This team can be LaceScary.

Why they will lose: Again, I think it comes back to experience at this point.  The highest seed Baylor has ever had was a 5, and that’s only happened twice.  Look, just be happy that Tweety Carter hasn’t killed anyone.  What??  Too soon?

Where they will finish: Semi-Finals

The “Dear God, please let this happen” Group

Missouri 22-9 (10-6)

Why they can win: They do have some experience in this tournament being that they won it last season.  The style of play is pretty good for tournament play, as it wears down the opponents.  Plus, there is no way that God would deprive me of yet a third KU beat-down of the Misery.

Why they will lose: All that being said, if the tiggers attempt to build an addition onto the Sprint Center with bricks, they could be back in CoMo before dinner on Wednesday.

Where they will finish: Semi-finals, and it’s gonna’ be the biggest defeat yet.

The “We all knew it would come down to this” Group

Kansas 29-2 (15-1)

Why they can win: because they are the best goddamn team in the whole goddamn country.  You know that.

Why they will lose: KU doesn’t have a lot going for them in this game.  They will have wrapped up the number one overall seed and a trip to St. Louis.  They don’t have anything to prove.

Where they will finish: Let the kitties finally win one, for crying out loud.

Kansas State 24-6 (11-5)

Why they can lose: See what I did there???  Anyway, K-State has some flaws.  We saw that last weekend.  I have some advice for the Cats.  Don’t name your arena if you plan on losing there pretty consistently.  I am having a real tough time backing you up right now.

Why they will win: This is the mf-ing superbowl for State.  It’s in KC, It’s against KU, and everyone is talking about the Cats falling apart against ISU.  Notice how the discussion went from “should K-State get a one seed” to “K-State will be lucky to get a three seed” just like that.  The cats are listening, and Frank Martin is getting angry.  Bellwether just peed a little when he read that.

Where they will finish: Big XII Tournament Champions*

You see what I did there Mizzou fans?  Yeah, you know.

Of course, what the hell do I know?  Scott Baio could get hot, and take the whole thing…

***What are your predictions?  Let us know at lwood@kcsportspodcast.com***

Little Pucks and Big Ass Rocks

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Posted by L. Wood Kellogg on 02/16/2010 – 4:02pm
Filed under Feature

I am sure you have all enjoyed the Winter Olympics over the last four days or so.  I mean, what’s not to like about seeing Wayne Gretzky standing, waiting and making a face like he was desperately trying to hold in a huge dump during the opening ceremonies? 

The games have been fun too, with the exception of the tragedy on the luge on Friday.  You have speed skating (which may be more boring than NASCAR), ski jumping (which the USA is so bad at that they don’t even have a team.  I am serious.  The jumpers for the US paid their own way to get there.  Hey, we’re in a recession.), and snow-cross (which is merely a made up sport by ESPN in order to get people to pay attention to the Winter X-Games).  All of those are fine and good.  They must be at least slightly entertaining considering I have fallen asleep on the couch for three consecutive nights watching them.

But they just don’t stack up to the only two REAL reasons to even have the Winter Olympics.

  1. Curling
  2. Hockey

In that order. 

I love hockey.  You know this.  But for all the greatness of hockey, there is something off about Olympic hockey nowadays.  Because they use professional athletes, and because it takes place right in the middle of the NHL season, there a level of disconnect between the players.  They don’t have a chance to play together at all prior to the games.  They don’t get a chance to install a system.  They basically take 20 really, really good players, give them matching uniforms, and throw them on the ice.  Sure, there will be great plays, games, and moments.  But, it will leave something to be desired.  So, let’s start here with what you need to know about Olympic Hockey, and the teams that will compete for Gold.*

*I am not going to talk about some teams.  I mean, Switzerland, come on.  Stick you what you are good at; watch making and straddling the fence.

The Soviets (okay fine, Russia):

Who you know: Alex Ovechkin is unbelievable.  He along with a Canadian I will mention shortly, are the only players recognized by ESPN.  You see his amazing goals on SportsCenter.  He is the best player in the world.

Who you don’t: Pavel Datsyuk.  If you follow the NHL, you may know him.  But if you don’t, you will thanks to the Olympics.  A phenomenal goal scorer, with a  lot of experience.

Completely irrelevant reason they will win: Based on my knowledge of Russian Olympians (which is entirely based on Ivan Drago in Rockey IV), I am sure they will be given enough drugs to kill a moose. 

The Hosers (okay fine, Canada):

Who you know: Sidney Crosby is the face of Canadian hockey and the NHL.  He will probably be the captain of the team, and he is only like 14 years old or something.  Sid the Kid will get his, and probably lead the heavily favored Hosers deep in the tournament.

Who you don’t: Roberto Luongo is one of the Canadian goalies.  He will probably get a majority of the starts.  Why is that impressive?  Because, their other goalie is Martin Brodeur who is probably the greatest goalie to ever play the game.  A hot goalie can win you the Gold.  That is all you need to know.

Completely irrelevant reason they will win: If you haven’t seen strange brew, stop reading this, and rent it.  You’ll see why, eh?

The Soviets Again (okay fine, Czech Republic):

Who you know: Unless you have adopted the Wild as your NHL team, then you probably don’t know Martin Havlat.  He has come on strong the second half of the year, and should play well with that momentum.Well maybe not. 

Who you don’t: Jakub Stepanek.  I don’t know who this is.

Completely irrelevant reason they will win: The Czechs have the most Wi-Fi subscribers in all of the European Union.  Maybe they will start reading this column, and make me a big star if I talk about them.

The Heroes (okay fine, Team USA):

Who you know: Patrick Kane beat up a taxi cab driver over $3 in Buffalo.  He is also a great hockey player, and the future of American hockey.

Who you don’t: Probably everyone else.  Watch for Ryan Miller.  He is the goalie for the US, and is having a phenomenal season for the Sabres.

Completely irrelevant reason they will win: Because that’s who I am rooting for.  Besides, don’t you want to see “Miracle II: the rise of Rafalski”?

So what will happen?  The USA will play very well, but come up short in the semis to Canada.  The hoseheads succumb to the pressure of playing in their homeland, and lose the gold medal to the Russians.  It’ll be fun, though.  Now…

CURLING!!!!!!

A quick explanation of what the hell this is.  Have you ever been drunk at a bar, and all you really want to do is play Golden Tee, but they are all taken by people that are going to play for the rest of the night, so you decide to play that shuffle puck game where you have to keep scraping the wax crumbs up with a coaster?  You haven’t.  Well that’s what it’s like.

Each team has four players.  The teams take turns sliding 40 lb. stones 90 feet down ice towards a target.  After 8 stones each, the team who has the stone closest to the center of the target gets a point for each stone inside the other teams closest stone.  I know, you didn’t get that.  You play 10 innings called “ends”.  At the end of 10, highest score wins. 

You’re probably thinking, “this sounds stupid.”  It’s not.  This sport is like bowling for Canadians.  They do it on Saturday nights while drinking beer.  Any sport where you are encouraged to drink beer is a sport that we should believe in.  I dare you to watch one curling match, and then tell me that you will not ever watch one again.  It is addictive.

As for who will win, probably Canada.   The USA will be around, but a medal would be an upset.  But that’s not the point.  This sport needs to get some legs here in America.  We need wealthy people to watch the Olympics, think “that seems like fun”, and open curling rinks. 

Still need a reason to watch?  Okay, they have a ladies curling competition as well.  Meet team Canada.

We stand on guard for thee.