1.) The Chiefs surprisingly testicle-less draft plan

2.) Herm Edward’s best Emmit Smith impression

3.) The Royals un-surprisingly testicle-less offense

4.) Carl Edwards best Ricky Bobby impression*

5.) Ben Gordon’s testicles

Nope, we go with none of the above.

* Immediately following Edwards’s spectacular crash at the final turn at Talledega yesterday, I knew every single announcer would immediately start talking about how he exited the car and crossed the finish line just like Ricky Bobby. I was already sick of this before even a single one did. (Yes. Just like Ricky Bobby…hilarious. And yes, Stuart, that was re-donkulous.) As remarkable as NASCAR’s ascendance into mainstream America has been over the past few years, this just goes to show that instead of any driver, the average sports fan identifies more with a movie co-starring Dr. Steve Brule.

This post will center around the second most remarkable thing I figured out this weekend. Lost in all of the hullabaloo surrounding the NFL Draft, the NBA playoffs, and the Yanks v Red Sox was the news that X is heading to Larry-town.

To be honest, I’m a little nervous about this. There is an inordinate amount of talent on this team, and while I will usually defer to having more talent on the team, it’ll be tough to see how everyone is going to get their touches. Is it really beneficial to limit Mario Little and Travis Releford to mop-up duty?

So, my answer to this conundrum is this: we take one of the teams in the SEC, and replace all of their players with the players projected to come off the Jayhawk bench. Now I’m sure, if this little exercise were reversed, Nick Saban’s 2nd stringers could be easily win the Big XII North Football title, but I think it’s fair to say that the following lineup would more than likely take the regular-season and tournament crown for the cagers in the Dixieland Conference:

G Brady Morningstar

G Tyrel Reed

F Mario Little

F Travis Releford

F Markeiff Morris

Now, wouldn’t that be fun?? Yes. You know what would be more fun?? Trying to figure out what we could get in return:

Alabama: A buddy of mine’s wife is a huge ‘Bama fan. He jokes that the people in Alabama deify Nick Saban so much that they should call him “Coach God.” Well, good…maybe he can resurrect Derrick Thomas from the dead so that he can play for the Chiefs again.

Auburn: Judging from his time at Iowa State, new head football coach Gene Chizik is no God…maybe we can get Tommy Tubberville to resurrect Bo Jackson’s hip.

Florida: They should send us all of the women in the state of Florida who want to sleep with Tim Tebow, but who can’t because his Christianity prohibits him from premarital sex. Of course, this would make the population of Lawrence roughly that of Mexico City.

Georgia: Uga. I don’t know, though…too Jowly?

Kentucky:  John Callipari’s most prized recruit…oh, wait…we already got that.

LSU:  Any defensive linemen left that haven’t been drafted by the Chiefs.

Ole’ Miss: Andy Kennedy and an Indian cabbie to be named later.

Mississippi State: They play in the Egg Bowl vs. Ole’ Miss every year.  Insert your own testicle joke here.

Tennessee: Do I even have to say it??

Vanderbilt: Will Perdue’s jock strap, from which to hang Nick Collison’s retired jersey

Arkansas: Forget sending us anything…we’ll just throw in Mike Anderson for free.

South Carolina: Mascot name. Tell me you wouldn’t love hearing Bob Davis scream, “GOOOOOOD!!! That’s a three pointer, and the Cockhawks take the lead!”

Seems like a good place to end this post…on “Cockhawks.”