In which we tell you about your newest Kansas City Chiefs by breaking down each of their picks from the NFL Draft. Today: Alabama Cornerback, Javier Arenas
Pros: A very good cover corner in college and a dynamic kick returner; rated #1 in the draft on many boards. Plus: Brodie Croyle, Wallace Gilberry, Bobby Greenwood and Tim Castille. TRADITION!!
Cons: Undersized at 5-7 and 200 lbs. He figures to be a nickel back in most situations. You had better believe teams are going to concentrate on isolating their tight ends on him on passing downs…and didn’t we just spend a pick on a hybrid return man?? Also: Brodie Croyle, Wallace Gilberry, Bobby Greenwood and Tim Castille.
Cursing John Gruden’s Take: “You know, when I coached the Oakland Raiders, we had a quarterback. His name was Rich Fucking Gannon. Now, you think anybody gave this guy a shot? No. And what does he go out and do? He wins the fucking MVP of the National Fucking Football League. This guy Javier Arenas; he’s small by NFL standards – I mean my horse’s cock is bigger than him – but I tell you what, guys. This guy Javier Arenas, he’s a fucking football player. Just like Rich Fucking Gannon.”
Pick as Overplayed Commercial: HughesNet High Speed Internet Service.
I don’t know how many of you have seen these commercials. I’m guessing maybe not a whole lot. Hughesnet is basically internet by satellite, or internet for hayseeds who live in the sticks and can’t get a cable hookup. I live in Iowa. This state is nothing but hayseeds who live in the sticks.
Now the commercial stars one Kimberly Joseph who, if you ask me, is quite striking* in a Hannah Storm kind of way.
* It’s funny. The closer you move to thirty, the more attractive “older” ladies become. What used to be dismissed in my own head as a Mrs. Robinson situation is now an actual, not-frowned-upon-by-society possibility. I’m not downplaying the attractiveness or Ms. Joseph. I’m just saying that if I saw her out at a bar, I wouldn’t feel as weird as I would as a 23 year-old about going up and talking to her…and promptly getting rejected.
The problem with this commercial (which I could not was too lazy to find) is that her hair is all whacked out. It looks like somebody stuck a sea-urchin on the back of her head. I look at Arenas’ size the same way. Just like I can’t watch HughesNet girl without thinking about how fucked up her hair is, I can’t get past the fact that Arenas is Tom Cruise size. Sure, I see all of the really attractive qualities about him, but can’t help but think that he’s nothing more than the second coming of Mark McMillan.
Also: The HughesNet product itself. It’s like DirecTV without the TV. You get your internet thru a sattelite. It seems like such a hassle to invest the money to get an entire freaking satellite just to get internet. Are we sure that we need to invest the time and money just to get a kick returner??
Hell, who am I kidding. Considering the timing, placement and round, Arenas might end up being the pick of this draft.