Ways He’s Like the Television Character Dexter: One is a silent killer, lurking where you don’t expect him, killing only those who deserve it, and living by a code which justifies his existance. The other is the television character. You see what I did there?? Boom.
Ways He’s Not Like the Television Character Dexter: His hair is not nearly as cool (or it’s a lot cooler??). Also, he’s not a serial killer…I think…
Cursing John Gruden’s Take: “I tell you what, guys. This fucking guy McCluster, he’s a fucking football player. He’ll do anything you need on the football field. If I were this fucking guy’s coach, I’d tell him to stomp the opposing team in the taint. And you know what?? Goodbye taint. You might as well go ahead and start writing the taint’s eulogy right now. This fucking guy McCluster, he’s a fucking football player.”
Nickname When He Scores a Touchdown: The O-Dub. When McCluster was drafted, all of the talking heads around the table on ESPN were talking about him as a change-of-pace back. The Chiefs plan on doing more than just letting him cleanup the table scraps of Jamal Charles and Thomas Jones. This is why the people on ESPN are idiots.
McCluster will be used a number of different ways, and the best-case-scenereo projections have him somewhere between Percy Harvin and Reggie Bush as a slash/hybrid slot reciever/returner. When asked before the draft whether he was a RB or a WR, McCluster responded with: “That’s hard to say. I would say I consider myself an Offensive Weapon.”
Offensive Weapon = OW…The O-Dub. You’re welcome, Mitch Holtus.
Nickname When He Fumbles: McClusetr-fuck. That was easy.
Pick as Overplayed Commercial: The Coors Light Home Draft
I don’t think there was any commercial that was shown more during the draft than this one. You know, where Ditka shows up with some hottie cheerleaders and they all drink beer and grow moustaches, or something. “We can have a draught while we watch the draft!!,” exclaims an excitable fellow, to his football-loving compatriots. Which is great, because I can’t, because, as the commercial says, The Coors Light Home Draft is not available yet…it is ”coming soon.”
At first, you think, “What the hell do I need something like that for??” Then you see it a few times and you’re like, “Well, I guess that would make things a little bit more convienient,” but then, after about the 1,200th time, you start thinking, “Wow…I really don’t need something that large hogging my fridge space, and I know that if I had it, I’d be tempted to use it just a little too much, and end up sluggish and overweight.”
This is the same way I feel about McCluster. Is the offensive coaching staff going to force the ball to McCluster in order to justify the pick and end up using him in ways he shouldn’t be used??
Let’s just stick to letting him move the ball down the field before we asking him to stomp any taints.