I just happened to read Bellweather’s Chiefs blog, and it dawned on me that football season has arrived. The beginning of football season means a lot of things for me. It means I need to start looking at my fantasy sheets, and preparing for my draft. It means that I probably need to get on Lipitor in anticipation of the chicken wings coming my way. And this year*, it means it’s time for a new Chiefs jersey.
*I have a Priest Holmes jersey, but it’s about time to let that go. Plus, it’s a white Chiefs jersey. It was a gift. Who the hell buys someone an away jersey?? Why would I want to wear this?? I hate people that wear the away jersey of their team. They are only slightly ahead on the douche-bag scale of people who wear a hat or jersey of a team from another sport, but from the same town to a game (i.e. wearing your cardinals hat to a rams game) and wearing the jersey to a game of a team that is not playing (i.e. a Packers jersey to a Cardinals-Padres game).
But the question arises; what jersey do I want? So I am on NFLshop.com, and there are 47 different players I can get on a Chiefs jersey (I shit you not!!). You would not believe the players that are available. I encourage you to check it out for a good laugh. I have decided that I will determine my choice based on how well I can defend my jersey to some a-hole giving me shit while watching a game in a bar in St. Louis. Here are a few options and my comebacks…
76 Brandon Albert: Yeah, well, he’s probably the only draft pick we’ve had in the last five years that will still be playing for us when the Rams move to Los Angeles.
7 Matt Cassel: Oh yeah? I’m pretty sure he stocked groceries at some point just like Kurt…
51 J.P. Darsche: No, he doesn’t play for us, but he did. Who’s your long snapper? You don’t even know…
72 Glen Dorsey: At least he hasn’t killed anyone while driving drunk…too low?
2 Dustin Colquitt: He’s our best offensive weapon…
56 Derrick Johnson: Most upper echelon linebackers don’t find their groove until their 7th or 8th year…
84 John Paul Foschi: (I have no idea who this is. Thanks Wikipedia!) Fo-Schi is Fo-sho!!! Man I am reaching here…
27 Larry Johnson: Yeah, call me and let me know what Steven Jackson looks like in two years…
9 Nick Novack: (yes, this is available) Oh yeah, um, well, uh, …uh, um, er, DON DENKINGER!!!!
I suppose you can use that last one no matter which jersey you choose.