“In 2002 I was injured. I had heard that human growth hormone could promote faster healing for my elbow. I felt an obligation to get back to my team as soon as possible. For this reason, and only this reason…I tried human growth hormone.” Andy Pettitte – 2007
I’ve surveyed the interwebs this morning, as I usually do, not looking for anything in particular, but it’s hard to not get swallowed by the crush of Yankee stories following their 27th World Championship. And while the journalistic stories are running the gambit from trying to quantify the greatness of this current Yankee squad, to congratulating Hediki Matsui,* to second guessing the Phillies Champion-o-meter, the comments from the masses seem to be centered on one person: A-Rod.
* The best had to be the Sports Center Rundown this morning, which featured a tab that said, “Most Valuable Godzilla.” I don’t know…if I had a vote for MVG, I’d vote for, oh…I don’t know…GODZILLA?!?! There’s NO way that Matsui could defeat Rodan AND Mothra by himself. MAYBE Mothra, but not both.
I had many a person tell me in the past 12 hours that A-Rod is a cheating fuck, not deserving enough to raise the World Series trophy. He’s a roid-monger, a dick licker, etc. etc., and he apparently makes numerous people puke just seeing his purple lips shout in championship ecstasy.
Now, I put the quote up at the top of this post for a reason. I have heard not word-one about Andy Pettitte being a cheater, or an HGH user, or the best friends of one of the most notorious, Asshole-ish, roided dicks* ever to walk the face of the earth.
* From my new favorite website: dickipedia.org…why can’t I think of shit like this??
Now, let me clarify. I’m not defending A-Rod’s steroid use. I’m not even defending A-Rod. I hate that self-loathing piece of shit as much as the next guy, but please, please don’t get all high-and-mighty about how he’s ruined the game of baseball, or that you get all nauseated every time you see him succeed. Hate the fucker because he plays for the Yankees. Hate him because he’s banging Kate Hudson. Hate him because he fucks goats (he looks like a guy who would fuck goats).
Andy Pettitte gets a pass at your ‘roid rage…why?? Because you determined he was more contrite in his apology?? Because he’s Tebow Lite?? Because he helped save 23 babies from a burning day care building (he looks like a guy who would help save 23 babies from a burning day care building).
Just get off your high horse. Everybody used steroids in baseball…EVERYBODY. Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, A-Rod, Pettitte, Pujols, Mauer, Sweeney, Farnsworth…E.V.E.R.Y.B.O.D.Y.
Do I need proof?? Not in my eyes any more. And you know what?? I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. I’m past it. I’m beyond it. So Barry Bonds shot himself full of Beef Roid and Chlomid…big deal.
I found that once I climbed down off of my high horse, the flowers smelled a little sweeter. Am I pissed that the roid-mongers forever changed the statistical outlook of the sport?? Sure. Am I mad that MLB turned a blind eye to the story for so long?? Of course. If you’re not past it, then by all means, continue to spew forth your anti-roid venom.
But please, be consistent in dispensing your hater-ade. That is all. If A-Rod’s a cock for cheating, then so is Pettitte
…and also for the goat fucking thing…