It can be a lot of work running around cyberspace every day. There are lots of words, pop-up ads, and “work” that get in the way…also there’s lots of words. Thankfully, here to help us thru all the gluttony of letters and syntax is SI.com.* You see, handy-dandy Sports Illustrated has given us a way to cut our reading time (nearly) in half by presenting Story Highlights.
* Just as it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order seltzer in a restaurant and not get salsa, I wonder what happens if they try to go to YES.com. Que?? Ningunos puntos culminantes del futbol??
Story Highlights give us a little snap shot of the story itself, and as I’m sure the author of the story does not write them, they can lead to hilarity. Take for example this story about Serena Williams re: her appearance on David Letterman:
Story Highlights:
- Serena Williams believes grunting may give players an edge during a match
- Williams told David Letterman that Monica Seles was her grunting role model
- Williams said she also grunts when she plays golf or kicks a soccer ball
See, now don’t those context-less highlight bullets really help when you’re reading the story?? Let’s take them one by one, shall we??
- Swarms of killer bees though?? Well, that’s just tradition
- My grunting role model is young Forrest Gump impersonating his mother humping the superintendent
- I bet she also grunts when she’s eating lots of food [SNIZZ-APP!!]
Oooooohhhh…I’m sorry guys. Commenting about a woman’s over-sized derrière as a detriment to her play is waaaaay out of bounds, especially in today’s overly-sensitive media. Wait…what’s this?? Well, well, if it isn’t our old buddy Jason Whitlock, himself a purveyor of fat-assitude, to stick his pumpkin-filled jowls exactly where they don’t belong:
Serena could be the best ever, but …
Story Highlights:
- Serena Williams is the perfect combination of Michael Jordan, Jim Brown, Muhammad Ali and Rosa Parks…only fat.
- A stuffed onion is a booty so round and tight that it brings tears to your eyes
- Did I mention Serena Williams is fat?? Oh, good…because she’s fat.
See how fun that is!! There are arguments abound due to this pertinent article (as there are for pretty much every penned Whitty offering), but despite the deliberate sexism and blatant Whitlock-style ratings grab, I’m sure everybody’s focusing on the main point of the article, which is:
Is it correct and fair for the sports media to assign potential to athletes, and then disseminate blame when said athlete appears to fall short of said assigned potential? Well, of course it is…as long as you throw in some fat blasts to go with it. Just don’t tell Mike Gundy.